Your back’s a bit knotty. The weight of the world is on your shoulders. In short, you need a massage.
But do you need a snake massage?
Because that’s what you can get these days and, no, that’s not a euphemism.
The Original Sin Massage is like a normal massage, only there’s a bloody big snake involved too.
You can either have the five-stone albino python placed on your shoulders or lie down on a bamboo bed and have the snake put on your back.
‘The process literally takes the weight off guests’ shoulders, post-massage,’ the press release from Lipton Ice Tea and Bompas & Parr, who have paired up for something called the Paradise Now Brunch, which includes this insanity, reads.
‘The perceived sense of risk will get the day’s adrenaline pumping, complemented by the great surge of relief and relaxation as the snake is removed.’
Sure. By that logic just go to hit someone in the face then give them a massage.
Anyway, reptile-lovers and those with ophidiophobia alike will be pleased to know ‘safety measures will be taken, with the snakes being well fed before massage treatments begin, and watchful snake handlers standing close by in case something goes wrong. No snakes will be venomous.’
What’s next? Spider facials?
Anyway, at the Paradise Now Brunch you can also eat exotic fruit including atemoya, jabuticaba and Jamaican star apple, wander about in a Super Cooling Sanctuary filled with peach-flavoured mist and listen to music from a kind of xylophone carved from poisonous Iliga wood from Ghana.
The event, which is part of Lipton Ice Tea’s Extend You Weekend campaign, is from 7-9.30am on Monday, June 27 in the Barbican’s Jungle Conservatory.
Tickets are free and available through a prize draw. You can get involvedhere.
But only if you’re prepared for relaxation on a whole new SCALE.